Friday Poems Vol. 3

I skipped last week!

Hi everyone,

Here are two poems I have posted online this week. I skipped last week because I had nothing to send!


My Dude

I’m pissing in the wind, my dude.

I’ve lost my wallet, my dude.

I’ve blown my cover, my dude.

I feel like God, my dude.

I feel so weak, my dude.

I’m in the hole, my dude.

I’m overgrown, my dude.

I want to die, my dude.

I feel so far away, my dude.

Just like a star, my dude.

I would tax you, my dude.

I’d arrest you, my dude.

For you I would undress, my dude.

I love to laugh, my dude.

I love to play guitar, my dude.

I’ve lost control, my dude.

I have regrets, my dude.

I’ve hurt the ones I love, my dude.

I understand everything, my dude.

I’ve broken and entered, my dude.

I dance, my dude.

I get naked, my dude.

I tell it like it is, my dude.

I have to take a piss, my dude.

I need to take a shit, my dude.

I have zits, my dude.

I have scars, my dude.

I’m not alone, my dude.

I have a secret, my dude.

I can’t keep it, my dude.

Hyperextended Applause

*spooky organ music plays throughout; minimum lighting*

The 109-year-old woman famously born on the Titanic

clapped so hard for health care workers her wedding ring fell

thirteen stories to a New York City sidewalk and was sold,

proceeds going to Charity™.

The tectonic plates of History are beginning to shift.

EARTH is FLAT and STATIONARY: trust your senses.

Who among us does not secretly believe

the earth was probably made 6,000 years ago?

"N'en parlez jamais; pensez-y toujours" --

But who has the balls to say it?

“Two F-18s approach, see object has no wings or exhaust —

it is white, oblong, some 40 ft long and perhaps 12 ft thick.”

Babysitter: “If you keep it up I’ll yell so loud

the whole country’ll hear!”

‘Homer S’: “[laughter] what the man in the White House? [laughter]

Not likely! [extended laughter]”

The medical attorney who found the ring that day, Brian Wells,

ensured with the Ring Cash™ that no bankrupted patient

die without the proper paperwork being filed

or a vase of plastic flowers placed lovingly by the bedside.

If you were Tom Cruise, which colour tie would you wear, Red or Blue?

Your answer is your identity.

Use it to get a PhD. Use it, use the old Titanic lady. Use her now! Mangia, mangia!

What Will You Do With Your Ring Cash™?

Peacock looking for love escapes from Franklin Park Zoo,

but was lured back into his cage by a fake mating call

that someyoungdumb cop looked up on his phone.

The bird’s name was Cry. He cried. He died.