Shit Riffs on New York Times
Three poems inspired by reading the New York Times that were written in 2021-2022
1. Shit Riffs on New York Times 06/11/21 America tells Europe to put ‘back’ into it while it has rained daily since baby born. A. Johnson using 60 million people for sex and sarcastic late-night texting about lesser-known celebrity erections. Schemer tasted sour seizure medication, sang Cum see the Western Drought. Fame and queerness and the COVID widows converting to Catholicism and Judaism. My windshield has a big fat crack. Two sweettooths were shot and stabbed and hung in 1956, the case will never be solved, I did it. China accuses everything old of never being new again, Oxford scholars shut up and submit beneath the Colonialist statue. Britain is using its mothers for martyrs, blood tests at its barbeques party pills in the powder rooms. Teenage mothers are pregnant with panic for unborn pandemics. Something weird on the beach is staining feet. 2. Shit Riffs on New York Times 09/24/21 China declares that all illegal transactions shall be conducted only in cryptocurrency and issues nationwide mining of all cryptocurrency bans B.F.G. Chief Puts Ruler In Pain Hole, Recommends Fisting Workers At Risk Dr. Wankelsky reversed her booster and showed it to the advisers and the teachers. Chinese authorities have placed Bus Experts on Towers of Power complete with Lehman lashings and blown-up ballsack bouncing as speculation swirls over whether bootknocking can bail out the bad Big Boy New federal floods to threaten shorelines amerikanischen, Agency Warns Homeowners To Remove Sex Slaves From Flooding Basements U.S. debt limit could ‘hit it and quit it’ as soon as Walpurgisnacht, analinguists warn severe taxonomic shocks. Who Is Eligible For Bovid-19 Cooster Shots? What Are The Elided Facts? The federal government could run out of Life Essence and missing payments on things as diverse as Social Anxiety and militia pain chambers Moaning Art Professors in Invisibility Cloaks Are Polishing Brass Knobs Underneath Infant Cribs, Sources Say Authorities in China have taken into custody the top two executives of BTK Group, who allege they have forgotten the password and demand swift and lawful execution. 3. Shit Riffs on New York Times 11/2/2022 The maritime corridor brims with broken bodies, the sea floor full of unrisen zombies. World War III a few months in is getting grim. Experts warn, skeleton cage bars wearing thin. The soon-dead need their grain: The Deal is Alive and Working, once again. Capitol Police caught break-in at Pelosi home, no god-fearing Patriot wants to go home alone. Either hammered, or hit with a hammer. Either the victim made the call or the attacker. A record-setting Warmth Wednesday in Wisconsin. Powerball jackpot at 1.2 billion. Takeoff shot in Houston. Cheap ‘fast furniture’ could soon clog landfills. American piles shortly will be dropped, pipes filling with unsuspected dumps of empty dollars. Pre-election testing glitch not evidence of fraud, “They will try everything to steal it," said one, "Nearer to Thee, my God!" Biden did not speak to ‘inanimate objects’ at Pittsburgh rally. The objects were animate and animal and anaphylactic. Metamyths proliferate. Mothmen seen on rural roads. Militias flock to megaliths in rural Michigan, I’m hip to it. After Seoul crowd-crush, items left behind – purple masks, dirty jackets, scuffed high heels. The corpses counted by these lucky finds. Suits to Fed about inflation: “Kill them all, no hesitation.”